Doing sequential art sessions with teenage delinquents always went the
same way. Using comic books and sketching with them to try to get them
interested in drawing, narrative and storytelling could only hold them
for so long before they inevitably asked me to ‘draw a ganja leaf,
bruv.’

It was an inescapable fate. Showing the little scumbags some of the
greatest art work on the planet (and my own) was just not cool enough
for the 14 year old shoplifting gangbanging goonies.

Being a narcissist and artist, of course I would draw the ganja leaf for them.

As an artist I only live for approval and praise from others. And I got
more ‘that’s proper, bruv’ s by doing a 30 second sketch than I did from
showing them my entire portfolio (justifiably most would say).

Basically, talent, dedication, storytelling, beauty and striving to
create something worthwhile was secondary to a shitty half remembered
teen-rebellious ‘sick’ doodle.

And that’s what the Suicide Squad motion picture reminded me of.

Now I liked the film. It was fun, and colourful and fast and
explosion-y. It was popcorn pretty. Very hard to hate anything in it. Go
See it. I recommend it. Genuinely.

It just felt like it was pitched to a group of teenagers in grey tracksuit trousers and then changed to fit their feedback.

A film that worked along the lines of ‘and then this happens and then
this happened and then this happens and then this happens.’ When writing
for the teenage wasteland you apparently have to lose the subtlety. And
apparently the original Joker design was a bit too restrained. His
bleached skin, green hair, purple suit and psychopathic murderous
actions aren’t enough to convey to the audience his utter depraved
madness. Yeah, his original comic book look was a bit wacky but young
movie audiences need the wackiness spelled out on the characters face.
Literally. Having a tattoo that says ‘im fucking crazy’ on his forehead
or something equally as overtly lazy is what the audience now need.

It does seem like I’m moaning about this movie but I’m not. Genuine. I
liked it. It was lazy but so am I. I’m sat here with no pants on,
covered in my own shit and semen as I couldn’t be bothered to find my
trousers, wank rag (brutalised sock) or wipe before I left the house.
The other people in the Library seem like they cant be arsed to make a
fuss about it so its of no matter. See we are all lazy.

The makers of Suicide Squad knew we are lazy and knew we didn’t need to
see an entire film, just one scene repeated over and over.

Here is that scene

Rick Flag:-
– ‘I hate you all. You are a load of rubbish. But also the government is a bit poo. You guys are ok.’

Deadshot:-
– ‘I’m Will Smith from some of my serious movies but I’m also Will Smith
from some of my funny movies to, so I will be delivering lines in two
half’s. A serious tough guy dark line with a joke at the end. Think,
Bagger Vance of Bel-Air. Also I’m not going to wear this mask, yes I
know it’s the only thing that makes this character design interesting
but I’m Will Smiths so here is my Will Smith face. Serious Tough guy
line, levity. Also relate to me as I have a nice kid in this and as we
all know spunking out a baby makes you a great person. There is no such
thing as a shitty parent. Grim line, flippancy.’

Harley Quinn:-
– ‘My personality is of a highly sexed 8 year old that you want to fuck.
Also something about Mr J. Wacky talk. Sexy talk. Mr J again. Wanna see
my arsehole? ‘

Captain Boomarang:-
– ‘Gooday mate, I’m the comedy foil. Wanna see me throw a boomerang?
Neither did the production company, so I only threw 3. I really want to
get away. I’m off. Back now, for no reason.’

Killer Croc:-
– ‘And I’m a crocodile.’

Gun play. Big explosion. Repeat scene until you fill 2 hours. Bigger explosion. The end.

That’s basically it.

I liked it. Genuine. I really did. Genuine. I’m not kidding. I don’t
know how I can make my typing sound less sarcastic in your head.

I enjoyed the Suicide Squad film.